


look at you

by rovio



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 5+1 Things, Accidental Voyeurism, Getting Together, M/M, Masturbation, Minor Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Minor Keith/Other(s) (Voltron), Not Season/Series 08 Compliant, Pining, Pining Shiro (Voltron), Sexual Fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 12:22:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17121290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rovio/pseuds/rovio
Summary: Staring at the spot behind Keith's shoulder is safer than looking at his naked, bruised torso.The first time Shiro has these thoughts is before the Kerberos mission. After that, thinking about Keith is almost too easy.





	look at you

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt [Shiro/Keith, 5(+1) times Shiro had guilty fantasies about Keith](https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/344797.html?thread=2004953565#cmt2004953565). This ended up being less about guilt than it was supposed to be, but oh well...

**i**

Shiro steps out of the classroom as quickly and quietly as he stepped into it. He's almost sure that no one saw him, mostly because later that day, Keith doesn't avoid his eyes.

The excruciating embarrassment is on Shiro's shoulders alone just like the intrusive thoughts that follow it are.

The pale line of Keith's throat. The flush on his cheeks and the small, throaty _ah_. The head between his spread thighs, bobbing up and down. Keith's fingers buried in dark hair.

Blowjobs are off the table for weeks. Adam doesn't ask why and Shiro's grateful for that at least.

 

**ii**

Shiro is honestly surprised when he gets hard. It's been such a long time that first he doesn't even recognize the feeling.

 _It's the water_ , he thinks as he tilts his head back and lets the Altean shower wash off the dust. It's been such a long time since he's been clean, too.

Then he swipes his hands down his stomach and his fingertips meet the hardness rising up against them. The light touch makes him gasp, a shocked pleasure shooting through him and shaking him inside out.

Shiro doesn't even remember the last time he was able to get it up, when he _wanted_ to get it up. Wrapping his fingers around his cock feels like it's the first time he's ever done it.

He closes his eyes and braces his forearm against the wall, gasping for breath just from holding his cock loosely in his fist. He knows he won't last and for once, there's no one to see him or judge him for what he does or thinks.

Black hair, wide eyes, face so achingly familiar and beautiful that Shiro almost kissed him on that hill. He imagines that he did and comes with a choked moan.

 

**iii**

"Are you okay?"

Keith isn't loud, but Shiro still hears the occasional swear from the adjacent bathroom. Sitting on the low bed in the med bay, he clenches his fists between his knees and feels mostly useless. Stupid, too. Of course Keith is not okay.

"I'm bleeding again," Keith says and appears in a cloud of mist. He has a towel around his waist and that's as much as Shiro lets himself see before he forces his gaze up. Staring at the spot behind Keith's shoulder is safer than looking at his naked, bruised torso.

"I'll get someone to stitch you up."

Shiro has rudimentary knowledge of that, but not so much that he'd trust himself with a needle anywhere near Keith. His gaze slips. It's a nice set of shoulders even if Keith is pressing a bloody towel against the right one.

Smooth. Pale. Deceptively slender. Keith fought against opponents bigger than him for two days. The strength of his wiry muscles is something else. For one guilt-filled moment Shiro wonders if Keith could throw him down too and hold him still against the floor or the bed, and fuck him like that.

"It's fine," Keith says and then because Shiro meets his eyes, disbelief doubtlessly written all over his face, "No, really. I mean it."

He lowers the towel and god, his shoulder. The slash wasn't deep enough to break his bones, but it still made a mess. The wound is bleeding sluggishly.

"It'll probably scar," Shiro says finally. He should have stopped Keith. A good leader would have. But it's Keith and it meant something for him for all that it hurt him. "I'm sorry."

"I don't care about that." Keith rolls his shoulder and grimaces. "But I guess I know now why I heal so fast."

 

**iv**

The door's barely closed behind Keith when Shiro rolls over onto his side, burrowing under the heavy blankets. He should get up and eventually he will, but not just yet. Keith's smile is still fresh in his mind and Keith's _as many times as it takes_ is stuck on a repeat there, too.

Shiro is exhausted and confused, but he still feels infinitely better than he did a few days ago when he was dying alone in space. He shelves that particular existential horror into the same place where he keeps the other memories he doesn't want to look at too closely yet.

Today and in this moment he lets himself be happy. He has no idea of what the hell happened to him, but Keith still found him. Shiro's safe here in the Castle with the Lions and their Paladins keeping watch over him.

It feels good to lie on an actual bed under actual covers with fresh air filling his lungs. The only way it could be better is if Keith was still in the room with him, but then again, privacy has its perks and Shiro needs this to ground himself.

He lets his hand drift down to his soft cock. It's almost weird how easy it is to coach it into hardness. All it takes is a few strokes and he's already dripping down to his knuckles. He hasn't been this sensitive since the first time he did this in this very same ship.

To these very same thoughts, too.

He really shouldn't be thinking about this because one day he'll slip. One day just thinking about this won't be enough. He'll reach over and pull Keith down into this bed and beg for a touch.

Shiro bites his lip and squeezes his eyes shut, hand speeding up on his cock. Keith's hands are smaller, warmer, his fingers calloused and tender when they slip between Shiro's lips in his imagination.

Shiro gets his own fingers wet, pressing them against his tongue before he pulls them out and reaches behind himself. The angle isn't the best and he's clumsy because he's on the edge already, tumbling towards the void. The first touch makes him gasp and arch his back. Pressing his fingertips - letting _Keith_ press _his_ fingertips - against his hole is all it takes to make him snap his hips forward and spill messily onto the sheets.

 

**v**

Shiro leans over the sink and splashes cold water on his face, feeling like an idiot. The whole thing plays in his mind on an embarrassing loop and when he looks up into the mirror, his face is still red. He couldn't have been less of a reliable team leader if he'd tried. It had taken Hunk's hand on his shoulder to snap him out of the daze.

At least he had a believable reason to excuse himself for a moment. A bathroom break, right. More like a hasty escape.

Whatever the Marmorite armor is made of, it clings to its wearer like a second skin. There's very little it leaves to imagination and Shiro's imagination is running like a hamster on a wheel, filling in the blanks. He hasn't felt like this since his teen years.

Keith does look older. Bigger. Grizzled, and damn Lance for making Shiro think of that too. It's not like his vocabulary didn't already have enough adjectives to describe Keith.

"Shiro?"

Oh god.

Shiro turns his head. Keith's standing at the door. Taller. Broader. Even better looking than he was three weeks ago, a feat Shiro had thought impossible. Shiro wonders how that happened, but mostly he wants to plaster himself all over Keith or alternatively, drop down onto his knees and ask if he could please touch Keith's muscled thighs and suck his cock.

"I'll just-" Keith gestures at the urinals.

"Uh, yeah. Sure."

This would be a great time for literally anyone else to burst through the door. Anything to kill the beginnings of a hard-on and to make sure that Shiro's eyes don't stray from the mirror to Keith. There are rules about that kind of thing in a bathroom.

"You look-" Like a long list of those adjectives Shiro has stored in his mind. "Different. What happened?"

Keith sighs and does whatever is his armor's equivalent of zipping up. Shiro doesn't look. "A lot. But it'll save time if I tell everyone at once."

The question is implied and Shiro nods. He's curious, but it can wait the few minutes it'll take them to walk to the bridge. "Okay. And Keith? It really is good to see you again."

Keith turns off the running tap and smiles, shaking his wet hands. "You can't even imagine how good it is to see _you_ again."

Shiro's pretty sure that he can, actually, and he gives into the temptation. Keith doesn't resist the sudden hug, wrapping his arms to pull Shiro even closer until the only things between them are the armors. The back under Shiro's hands is wider than it used to be and Shiro digs his fingers into the strong muscles there. He buries his face in Keith's shaggy hair and doesn't want to let go.

It's Keith who finally pulls back and says, "We need to go." His gaze is soft and thoughtful when he adds, "Let's talk later, okay?"

"Yeah." Maybe Shiro can find the right words then. "Later."

 

**+1**

The passenger shuffle has brought Shiro and the wolf back to Keith and Black. The wolf is drooly and cuddly, and almost enough to distract Shiro from the fact that he can't feel Black anymore. It's strange to be both back here and alone in his head. Shiro tries to accept and adjust because there's no point in lingering on things he can't have.

Things like Keith who's an even better distraction than the wolf.

If Shiro would reach over, he could almost touch Keith's bed and the man sleeping in it. It's hard to resist doing that because Shiro craves for Keith's touch like he craves for the stars. There was nothing in Black's consciousness except stillness and Shiro himself. It's a lot just to have a hand on his shoulder and with everyone else, that's enough.

It's not enough with Keith and Shiro doesn't know what to do with himself. He wants to get out of the bed and into Keith's. He wants to strip out of his clothes and have Keith's naked body all over him, Keith's fingers twined into his hair and pushing inside him, taking him apart and putting him back together again. It almost frightens him how much he wants it.

"You're not sleeping." Keith's quiet voice breaks the silence and Shiro jolts in his bed. He thought that Keith at least was asleep. "What's wrong?"

The list starts with _this body almost killed you_ and ends with _I want you so much_ , but what Shiro says is, "I love you."

He didn't mean to. It just slips out, but it's not like he's lying.

Heart hammering, he swallows and says, "I mean, it's not something that's wrong. But I do."

Shiro hears Keith moving in the darkness, getting up from his narrow bunk and crossing the small distance between them to lean over Shiro's bed. Shiro stares into straight ahead and clutches his covers like a lifeline.

"Good," Keith says decisively. "Then it's not just me."

"Not like a brother," Shiro clarifies. In for the penny, in for the pound or whatever the space equivalents are. "You don't have to- I just wanted you to know. I don't want to keep things from you anymore."

Maybe things would've turned out differently if he - if the _clone_ , Shiro reminds himself even though those are his memories and feelings now - had told Keith that sometimes he felt like an impostor in his own body. The irony isn't lost on Shiro.

"I do love you like a brother," Keith says. His hand finds Shiro's and squeezes. "And like my best friend and like my family, and like someone I'm in love with. I meant all that, but I'm not good with words, you know that."

"Oh. You're, uh, you're doing pretty well right now." It's probably the underestimation of the century. Shiro turns his hand and slots their fingers together. The simple touch is a lot. "That's what I meant, too. Well, maybe not the brother bit."

"That's the earliest. Everything else came after." Shiro can tell that Keith is smiling even though it's too dark too see it. "I'm not feeling very brotherly right now."

"Oh." Shiro licks his lips. "Really?"

"Yeah." Keith leans down until he's less like a Keith-shaped shadow and more like Keith. He cradles Shiro's jaw gently in his palm and Shiro almost wants to cry. "Okay?"

" _Please_."

Shiro doesn't care how pathetic he sounds and how ridiculous the desperate crane of his neck must look like. Not when Keith kisses him, and kisses him, and his touch is completely and devastatingly real.


End file.
